To start: no, there are no “trusted male figures” in our lives. My brothers & father are all conservative, and I DO NOT trust them to properly explain things without shame and/or religious context.

My son knows the basics of reproduction, but I’ve never really explained what’s “normal” things for a teenage boy to go through… mainly because I don’t know!

I’ve definitely put it off, so he’s almost 14 and is much more physically mature than most of his peers (he’s got hair in places, shaves his face regularly, etc.)… but I’m embarrassed to admit that I know next to nothing about anything else…

Could y’all help me out? What did you go through that he should know about? What should I know about?

Many thanks to anyone who can help. Please don’t be unkind. Much appreciated.

EDIT: Thank you so much for all the advice so far!! Please keep it up!!

My son & I have very open communication & a very good relationship.

  • marzhall@lemmy.world
    16·
    9 hours ago

    If he suddenly really wants to do his laundry one morning, don’t ask questions. (Wet dreams and embarassment being the context here.)

    That’s about all I can think of that’s gendered, really.

    I was ~9 when I got the talk from my Dad, and it was basic stuff about just the mechanics. It set things up so that, around 13, I went to him with questions about how I was feeling re: puberty. So even now it’ll be helpful to do the talk and show that you’re available as a resource.

    In your case, your son likely has some idea from internet pornography and whatever he got in school, but it would still be helpful to go through the basics with him. I’d frame it as “I’m sure you know most of this, but i just want to make sure you know what’s important.” It might also be helpful to make clear that pornography is as much acting as TV is - don’t set his expectations on it, it’s people faking things for money.

    Going over the importance of condom use also helpful at his age. Keep in mind, it’s not necessarily about what he’s going to use right away, but making sure he knows when he does need to know.

    Then, I’d just be there for him and ask if he has any questions, and answer them frankly. Tell him he can come back later if he’s unsure.

    It’s awkward and tough I’m sure, but it’ll be a help not just now, but going forward. Good luck!