“I promise cupcakes for everybody!”

“Thats terribly bold of you sir…what about the diabetic?”

“Don’t worry Johnson. It’s just an empty promise! I’ll be the only one to get cupcakes! Mwa ha ha ha ha!!!”

People don’t even read the

Kind of strange of you to end your post on the word “the”. Usually there’s more words after “the”.

If there’s any young people reading this, I want you to take notice of what just happened here. Perception becomes reality…except it’s not reality.

People thought this guy was just SO popular, that he was too busy for them. Which means in reality, he wasn’t popular AT ALL. Nobody wanted to be his friend, because everybody assumed he was too important to be their friend. The only people who were his friends are the ones who tried.

This works with dating too. There’s women of all ranges of looks. Some women are just born so naturally beautiful that they become intimidated to even TRY to talk to her. Everybody thinks she’s out of their league, and that’s total bullshit. If a person think they’re out of your league because of looks, they’re right. They’re totally below you. BUT there’s also people who OTHER people assume she’s out of their league, and all she’s doing is waiting to be asked out. Nobodys asking her out, because everybody thinks she’s going to turn them down, and what ends up happening is you can get some real Homer and Marge situations.

Because let’s be real. Marge could do SO MUCH better than Homer. I realize that because of the way animation works, they’ve had to retell the way Homer and Marge met and retcon the previous versions. But no matter which version you pick, Homer as always been an overweight buffoon with no real qualities to endeeer himself to Marge. But he TRIED. Sometimes that’s enough. You just go up to whomever you have a crush on, and just, go for it.

And maybe they will turn you down. I’m not implying that every time you flirt with someone it will go well just because you tried. There’s a whole list of variables to take into account that you can’t possibly know before you try. The end result will be maybe she’s just not that into you. Or maybe she is. You don’t know until you try. I know so many people who “got the girl”, whom everyone is baffled by, simply because they were the only one who asked.

So just come up with a funny little pickup line. Something cheesy. Cheesy is good. The pickup line isn’t what’s going to win her over. You’re what’s going to win her over. The pickup line just measures her level of interest. If she’s giggling at your little pickup line, it’s not because the cheesy pickup line was that good. It’s because YOU are that good to her. The pickup line is just a measuring stick of her interest. So don’t worry about the perfect pickup line. Just a funny cheesy one. Preferably one she’s never heard before.

One thing I will say, is that it has to be “girl funny”. To me, the funniest pickup line ever is telling her in a totally straight deadpan voice, “My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can’t hold it in…”

To me, that’s hilarious. That SHOULD be a great pickup line. It’s not. Don’t use that one. You’ll get gross looks, as if you actually are holding back from shitting yourself. So maybe don’t include feces in your pickup lines.

Ya know…as much as I hated Bush in his day, he was never a nazi. I called him a LOT of things over the years…but I never remember calling him a nazi.

How the fuck are we living in a timeline where a president who used a terrorist attack as justification for invading countries that never had anything to do with it, is now looked at as “he wasn’t so bad…”

His eye is open. I won’t be waking him if I just lay in bed with him and snugglepet him! That’s when you snuggle big spoon style, while also petting him.

The cubs even won the world series. Which is how you KNOW we’re in the bad timeline!

Fuck Chicago!

We also have taken the concept of reality television, and changed the concept. Now we just watch reality on our television. We like to watch moments go viral, and then…we watch that person crash and burn and ruin their entire lives. Then we have a sensible chuckle, and change the channel.

A year ago P Diddy got arrested for doing some really rapey things at parties over the past 20 years. Then they found 10,000 bottles of lube in his batcave. Ok, it was his basement, but I always imagine the batcave, with walls that turn around to reveal a limitless supply of lube. C’mon, you know that vision of it is better than just a door, a flight of stairs, and lube on some shelfs. So now he’s in jail, and we all had a sensible chuckle because he deserves the jail time. Then we change the channel.

Recently, you just missed this one girl, who the internet dubbed the Huck Twah girl. She got famous for making a reference to sucking dick. Then she got taken advantage of, and now she’s in jail. Sensible chuckle, because she didn’t deserve what happened, but now we’re onto the next person to destroy their lives!

Who’s next?

Not selfish at all.

I’ve cut so many people from my life. I have a rule. If you exist in my life, and all you do is make me angry, there better be a REASON you’re making me angry. Like when I was TRYING to get my dad to accept help from the government a few years back. His roof is failing. It’s only getting worse. Our city has a roof replacement program for seniors. Totally free roof. His house is rotting. When it rains outside, it rains inside.

So yeah, I fought him for 2 years trying to get him to take the roof.

Yeah I made him angry, but it’s because I care about him. And the fight is about getting him to take care of himself.

Unlike my sister, who will call, just to argue, and fight, with no real reason. I don’t answer her calls.

And when I’ve had “friends” that only care about you when they need something, fuck off. I’m a generous person, who people think they can take advantage of. And I guess they can to a certain extent. I don’t mind helping those in need. But there comes a point when you realize “I only see this guy every few months, and only when he has some sob story, and needs something”.

THATS when I stop talking to friends. OR when I realize that I’m ALWAYS the one who has to innitiate contact. Like if I just stayed silent, the friendship would just be over. Ok then. Guess you never think about me if I’m not already in your presense. I don’t need those people in my life.

Have you ever explained things to him about his daughters viewpoints? Just tell him “Ya know, (his name), I’ve been thinking. People with (his hair color) shouldn’t have the right to exist. People with (his hair color) are just no good, rotten nasty people! They don’t have the right to live on MY planet, breathing MY air! Right? Don’t you agree?”

And make it as absurd as actual racism/homophobia is. Make it clear that you hate him for things he was born with, and he now has to pay for being a dirty (color) hair’d person! Don’t be shy. Be as hateful as you’ve seen people like that be.

Then ask him how he feels about you. Get him yelling at you. Get him insulting you. Ruffle his feathers. Smile at every insult he hurls.

And then tell him "What I have just shown to you is a mirror. I have acted as you have acted to your daughter. These are the messages she hears you saying to her. It was hard to hear wasn’t it? You didn’t want to hear a single further thing out of my mouth. THAT is the same experience that your daughter has when you spew those same messages at her.

YOU are an individual. YOU have the ability to change your views. All I can do is hold up the mirror to show you what version of you you’re projecting into the world. Your daughter is an individual, and she has the right to live her life any way she wants. With or without you. If you care, it’s up to you to be the version of yourself that she wants in her life. Not the version you try to force into her life."

After that, there’s literally nothing more you can do. Slap him with reality, and if he continues to be shitty to his family, he can die alone.

Didn’t they JUST announce 700billion dollars in military funding yesterday?

Thats not what a tipping point is. You’re thinking of rock bottom.

Have we reached a tipping point where ignorance has become the norm?

Yes. We reached that point in 1776.

I mean, if the united states is getting karma for invading and annexing other peoples land, SURELY you’d think there would have been some repercussions from Native Americans, right? Hell, even Canada arguably has some leeway to give us karma if that’s the case.

And Hawaii.

And technically Puerto Rico, and the Somoa Islands, and Guam.

Even though Vietnam isn’t, nor has it ever been a US territory, they still know what it’s like to be invaded by us. We were never trying to take land for ourselves, but we WERE trying to take land for our cold war ally. We just failed is all. And yet…for everybody reading this from a country that ISN’T America, here’s the weird thing. In our schools, they teach vietnam in history as if WE WON. Which I assume the rest of the world easily see’s how absurd that is. Here in America? There are PLENTY of people who think we’ve never lost a war. There are people who defend the 2001-2020 invasion of multiple middle eastern countries as a war we won. Some of them think it was multiple wars in a short amount of time we won. Others think it was one continuous war that we won. But those people exist. I’ve met many of them.

Now, with all that said, NOBODY calls them freedom fries. Nobody. Never even heard of a single person who calls them that. It was a 2 week thing on tv, and then everybody just shrugged and called it stupid. Which is exactly what I’m hoping this whole gulf of america/mexico thing is. Just political theater, and then it’s over because it’s stupid.

I would say it’s been coming since BEFORE the civil war.

People always take my words out of context when I say that life in general would have been better for everyone long term if the south won.

People take that to mean that I’m pro-slavery. I’m not. If the south won, slavery would have died out naturally by the early 1900s (assuming confederate america lasted that long)

But if the south had won, and been able to leave the union? I feel like they’d have made the worst possible choices for their country on a repeated basis. I feel like their country would have crumbled and disolved into multiple smaller countries. The united states would have continued expanding out west. Texas is probably the only former state that wouldn’t have crumbled.

The rest of the confederate states? They’d be struggling to survive, last in the world in education, terrible healthcare, basically a bunch of 3rd world countries. But the rest of the USA? SO MUCH HEALTHIER FOR IT!!! All these cancers trying to tear down OUR country today, wouldn’t be part of our country. They can go fuck up the country of Alabama. Go nuts.

The pure amount of butterfly effect policies that would be different is mind blowing.

To me, the south winning isn’t about slavery. It’s about taking this large lump sum of the worst people in the country, and cutting them free like you cut away a tumor to get rid of cancer.

I mean, are we not all just running Windows XP anyways? What OTHER os would you be running??? Windows 11? Ew.

I’m going to need clarification by what you’re talking about.

Here’s what you do.

Just think about the fact that you don’t control your destiny. You’re a wage slave. Doing whatever is told to you. You’re going to die alone, and the only friends you have are only your friends because they are afraid of not having friends. The world is a dark and miserable place, and during the cold war America straight up lost 53 atomic bombs. Presumed to be in the oceans. Nobody knows their condition. Nobody knows if they are a threat to explode at any time.

On top of that, the soviet union lost an unknown number of nukes during that same time. Whereas the united states says they’re pretty sure they lost them in the ocean, the soviet union makes no such claims. That means it’s possible they dropped it from a plane, and it didn’t explode. Maybe they were stolen from storage, and sold to whomever. No regulation needed.

So now, instead of laughing at some meme, you can have a look of dread and uncertainty on your face. Like you’re holding back tears. And THEN you’ll fit right in with todays soul crushing society.

Ew. No. I’ve known people who are happy, and giggly all the time.

I want it to be legal to strangle them.

A batman mask.

…I don’t even get it.