Kind of, though with rules. I think I’m describing something closer to structured, encrypted torrents.

So it sounds like they may be emulating you for their own reasons. Anger can sometimes seem like strength even though it’s rarely even a primary emotion, just an output for a different emotion that is more difficult or embarrassing to express like fear or frustration.

I know you say you can’t help how you feel, but it might still be worth acknowledging that you recognize that it’s detrimental expression so you don’t drag them down. You may not be able to help it in the moment but that doesn’t mean you don’t recognize it afterwards and have the opportunity to acknowledge it.

On the other hand if you really think it’s justified and you shouldn’t have to apologize i would strongly encourage you to think of the analogy of someone doing the same thing but physically. If you went around kicking and punching everyone who you felt was weaker and needed ‘toughening up’, you might be just as justified, but could maybe understand why people would tend to shy away from you. Not everyone, some people like the abuse and some take shelter by being the bullies friend hoping they’ll be protected from the worst of it if they join in… And they desperately want friends too.

Why not? One good ability I’ve heard is why watch a movie or listen to music or play a game if you know it’s going to end? No one and nothing is it’s best all the time, just understanding that there are some things that can be worth experiencing is the best life has to offer, really.

Sounds like a bit of an echo chamber, do other people like hanging out with these two friends? If they do, maybe try emulation their behavior in those ways. If not, you may just be in a tough place with these friends enabling you in bad behavior. You already understand the problem, it’s not pleasant hanging around with someone who has infinite empathy for herself but apparently no willingness to accept others as they are without belittling them.

If you don’t understand why people do something even if they ‘suck’ at it, then you’re asking others to do something you’re not willing to do yourself.

If you were being physically abusive and couldn’t help it, would you still think they should accept that as just ‘you being you’? Would you accept it? You are verbally abusive when you don’t like something, perhaps even if they can’t help it… They practice passive avoidance if they don’t like something.

On a related note, it would be nice if there was a shared storage option for self hosting. It wouldn’t be the same as self hosting, but more like distributed hosting where everyone pools storage they have available and we could have an encrypted sharing option.

My guess is that he thinks SQL is an app or implementation like MS-SQL. It would be pretty surprising if the government didn’t use SQL as in relational databases, but if it doesn’t it’s even more unlikely that he understands even the first part over whether having duplicate SS numbers is in any way unexpected or unreasonable. Most likely one of the junior devs somewhere along the lines misunderstood a query and said something uninformed and mocking, and he took that as a good dig to toss into a tweet.