I agree with your timings, but Spain has an obesity rate of over 20%, so I would say seldom is a serious underestimation.

Also, Spain is not a mystical domain filled with elves, of course people are lazy, over-eat, and snack in excess. They are human after all.

No they are not. The literal equivalent would be ‘It rains’. Tenses just work slightly different in English.

Come on, this is just a joke adults will understand while children will not. If you think double entendres are censorship, I don’t know what to tell you.

Because the plague specifically did not reach Europe before 1347 as far as we know. Now of course there could be plague in Europe before this, and we modern people don’t know about it because of poor recordkeeping or something. But it would be a bit surprising. Therefore: weird.