Fair points. I lacked in perspective but you brought me some, so I thank you 😌

I always wonder about that. It seems like a non-issue to me. You’re just paying it, same as always, and the other can contribute when or if they can, what they can. Running costs that do increase with two people, like electricity or water, should be easy to just split some way, since the other’s no longer paying for their rent and utilities.

But why does it have to be some set sum or percentage or whatever? Why does it have to be static in the first place? Why not just let them contribute what they can, when they can, since the money’s not tight?

But of course the real correct answer will always be different for each relationship. And only revealed by talking and assuming each feel comfortable being honest and vocal about their thoughts and neither gets steamrolled or gets left with reservations or doubts about the outcome.

This is actually one of the most mentally damaging parts of my youth, but before Facebook or 9gag or whatever meme-sharing places were prominent, back way when, there was a portal in similar vein but in our language and as such, not international, so the damage wasn’t as bad as it could’ve been, in a sense, but I doubt it’d have been a meme if the entirety of the world’s memes were fighting for the same spots in the feeds or whatever.

Anyway, took me a long time to identify this as a source of some quirks I had, but I’m fine with it nowadays so here you go:

I went to a music college and was an aspiring musician. Before college, we had a local band that we were able to gig with and it was fun for a time. Then I left for college, which was 600km away, so that couldn’t continue.

In search of a new band, I initially made the mistake of just posting an ad in a big musician forum (back when we had really busy forums as opposed to centralized social medias 🥴) looking for opportunities. I was, and still am, a metal singer, though back then I could only really growl and scream.

Well, as it turns out, I had undiagnosed and thus unmedicated/unmanaged adhd, so I went a bit overboard and probably went too in length with it. Classic oversharing.

I still, to this day, can’t really tell you what was so funny about it, but a screencap of that ad circulated in the meme site we had back then, garnering over 10k reactions (I think they were different kind of emoticons there, and this was before standardized emojis, but anyways, some sort of explicit input), being in the top10 of memes for a week or so I think…

Luckily the image I attached was from stage and I had my long hair cover my face, so I didn’t really see it in my everyday life, but Jesus was that humiliating to the 16 or so year old me. And I was just getting into the college stuff like parties and all that.

Later, years after, my roommate told me they did it, the fucking rat 😂

Anyway, I guess the funny part was the growling teen acting as if they were already a professional in the ad and writing an essay for the ad. I wish I had it saved somewhere, or someone did, but no luck there. Haven’t seen it in over a decade, nearly two, so I bet I’d know what was wrong with it if I had the chance now, but alas, no such luck.

But that did put me off from a few band interviews for lead singer position and postponed my progress in that regard a lot. We did go on to record albums later with several bands, but I always was very inhibited sort of, really scared to get myself out there, so I always pushed back on any ad campaigns or promo pushes or whatever and we never did break big with any of them.

I’m fine now and worked through those problems in therapy as an adult, but, well, that’s my story.

For a second, I was a local meme, luckily not recognizable from it for anyone other than those who knew me.

I’m so glad we didn’t have social media back then, at least not in the same form as today 😬

Just an anecdote, but I don’t think flirting is a specific thing to do per se, so feel it’s more just being honest to yourself and the other and letting it come out, I.e you shouldn’t think specifically about flirting, just say the things out loud you notice in the other or feel inside. Like tell them they look beautiful if they do. You create unneeded pressure when you think it as an explicit thing to do and master, when really, it’s messaging out loud your vulnerable observations and feelings we generally hold inside.

You feel bubbly inside with them? I would just go ahead and say that exactly as-is, without trying to be explicitly flirty or somehow “traditional” or beholden to the norms of what we’ve been taught flirting is.

Bubbly inside is fine if that’s what you feel. Their hair has amazing golden hues in the sun? Just say it if it feels right. You want to spend more time with them? That’s flirting, too, if you just say it out loud.

It’s vulnerable and scary, but it’s not hard or really even a bespoke thing to do. It’s letting yourself be vulnerable and open to hurt by voicing your thoughts, feelings and desires.

It can be fun too, since if the other is also struggling with knowing when it’s fine to voice things like that, you doing it signals it’s fine and you get all the warmth and love and voiced validation for yourself too. You get to hear how they perceive you, what is beautiful or exciting in you, you lower the barrier of just hooking up if it feels right for both, forming thoughts and feelings into words just starts coming more natural and it’s always just fun and exciting and validating, as well as all the other lovely things.

So what I’m trying to say is don’t think about flirting as a thing, just start saying shit out loud when you feel said shit. You like the way they look? Just start voicing it out loud, and it just flows naturally from there if the excitement is mutual.

Much less intimidating if you stop thinking about it and stressing about the concept of flirting as you’ve perceived it from media and such. It’s natural, comes readily for all, when the situation is right. All it takes is daring to take the jump, which is really the only serious blocker, being brave enough to be vulnerable. If you make flirting as a concept a blocker and a source of anxiousness too, you’ll have double the amount of anxiousness and blockers.

Best try and consciously just say things out loud instead. Half the stress and sweat, 100% of the reward ✨

It’s like I don’t give a crap about anything or anyone

Well, there you go. This is most likely the culprit, and it is something one can train. If caring does not come readily, you’ll have to train it, just like reading, writing and other human skills.

Good luck.

Same, but as a fun bonus, it’s also the constant source of my many anxieties