• 1 Post
  • 23 Comments
Joined 2 years ago
Cake day: June 11th, 2023
  • sbv@sh.itjust.workstoAsklemmy@lemmy.ml•How can you apply "think before you speak" if it isn't feasible to pause for 15 seconds between every sentence you say mid conversation????English
    1·
    4 hours ago

    Hey, thanks for taking the time to respond. I’m enjoying this because it gives me a chance to understand my own beliefs. And it’s fun to spout off.

    Some people believe I shouldn’t speak and should only work all day, while others seem to prefer to chat once in a while. For me, it’s difficult for me to know the most correct way to act in terms of these two philosophies.

    There’s no correct answer here. You’ve expressed a preference for chatting, so let’s support that.

    We have different [beliefs] and usually that’s perfectly ok and I we don’t really argue or anything. But sometimes I still do it wrong or say something with too much emotion in my voice or something.

    Occasional or friendly disagreement is fine, so long as it doesn’t poison the relationship.

    Could you pause before replying to sort out your feelings? If you’re concerned that you have too much emotion in your voice, that could give you time to notice your emotional state and dial it down. You could even turn the disagreement into more of a joke or quip rather than something heartfelt.

    You can use your pause as part of the conversation. Give a thoughtful “huh” or maybe start with a throw away phrase of “I hadn’t thought about that” and then pause.

    Some people are in a hurry to say their piece - they really wanna get their thought or idea in. In my experience, it’s helpful not to do that. It’s difficult though.

  • sbv@sh.itjust.workstoAsklemmy@lemmy.ml•How can you apply "think before you speak" if it isn't feasible to pause for 15 seconds between every sentence you say mid conversation????English
    2·
    8 hours ago

    I had considered coworker 3 to be my friend a bit tbh. But that is not supposed to be the case, right? We are not supposed to be friends or anything. I am supposed to find friends elsewhere and not think of them that way, right?

    I can’t tell if this is sarcastic or genuine.

    If it’s genuine: congrats on finding a new friend. Don’t cut them off because an internet rando said something.

    If it’s sarcastic: it’s inappropriate to react to advice that you solicited in that manner. Since I’m being honest, it’s more appropriate to honestly state where you disagree, and why the advice doesn’t work for you. That way I can better understand your situation.

    Coworker 2: Yeah, running a 10 minute mile is easy. Anyone can do it. …

    If someone is full of shit at work, I’d just nod and smile. Unless there’s something to be gained by calling them out, I’d just note that they are uninformed on that topic and move on.

    If people want to discuss serious topics with me then I’m just not supposed to contribute, right??

    Again, I’m not sure if this is sarcastic or genuine. The two question marks, and the “right” make me think it’s sarcastic, but I could be wrong.

    Either way: talk about what you want. However, if you want to keep things civil with your coworkers, it’s easier if you avoid divisive topics.

    • Keep conversation away from your beliefs until you know where the other person stands.

    • Ask questions. People like talking about themselves, so that’s an easy way to keep things moving.

    • Make noncommittal statements.

  • sbv@sh.itjust.workstoAsklemmy@lemmy.ml•How can you apply "think before you speak" if it isn't feasible to pause for 15 seconds between every sentence you say mid conversation????English
    11·
    17 hours ago

    I think you might be pretty close to the answer here: small talk. Conversation about stuff that isn’t going to make anyone uncomfortable. People at work aren’t friends, but you’re stuck spending lots of time with them, so try to find topics you’re all happy discussing.

    So:

    speech that shows mental weakness (esp anxiety)

    It depends how you phrase this. Generally, admitting weakness isn’t something I’d do around coworkers, unless you’re putting limits on what you’ll do (“I don’t like closing up, I’d prefer not to”) or looking for help (“I want to get better at X, can you tell me how?”). But that depends on the person.

    statements that are too negative

    Yeah. At work, be positive or don’t go into the topic. If you think a coworker dislikes a thing and you want to bond over hating it, don’t go first, get them to show you how far they’re willing to go, then don’t go further.

    making a workplace error

    I dunno what to say about this. Ask for help at getting better? Apologize for screwing up? Otherwise I wouldn’t mention it again.

    mentioning my dad

    Again, keep conversation positive and light. If you’re bitching about your dad, don’t. If you’re saying what a great guy he is and they still get uncomfortable, just avoid the topic.

    talking about coworker 1 too much in a negative way

    Don’t do this. In the best case scenario, you bond over hating a coworker. In the worst case, the workplace becomes toxic. Accept that you’re stuck dealing with coworker 1 and move on. At most, acknowledge that coworker 1 can be difficult, but move on.

    So. Smalltalk. Find stuff to talk about that nobody is gonna have strong negative reactions to: TV, streamers, sports, weather, traffic/transit, local events, weekend activities, happy family events. Avoid stuff that people have strong negative reactions to: politics, religion, painful topics, suffering, etc.