schmorp

We didn’t want to spend much money in Porto city and wanted more privacy than in a hostel. The “window” (didn’t have glass, just a metal grid) was on boardwalk height, perfect for drunkards to pee into the room from outside. We repaired the bed to the best of our abilities when it fell apart during the night. The “bathroom” was probably the most luxurious feature: a corner of the room, separated by a curtain. It kind of matched the rest of the city.

“I have watched them all day and they are the same men that we are. I believe that I could walk up to the mill and knock on the door and I would be welcome except that they have orders to challenge all travelers and ask to see their papers. It is only orders that come between us. Those men are not fascists. I call them so, but they are not. They are poor men as we are. They should never be fighting against us and I do not like to think of the killing.”

“I hope I am not for the killing, Anselmo was thinking. I think that after the war there will have to be some great penance done for the killing. If we no longer have religion after the war then I think there must be some form of civic penance organized that all may be cleansed from the killing or else we will never have a true and human basis for living. The killing is necessary, I know, but still the doing of it is very bad for a man and I think that, after all this is over and we have won the war, there must be a penance of some kind for the cleansing of us all.”

The question reminded me of “For whom the bell tolls”. It’s rather strange that during all these months whenever I get bored and grab a book it’s about one of the various wars of last century. I can’t help but read all of them with an eerie feeling of anticipation. Remarque’s “The Night of Lisbon” hit especially hard, but this one is a tower of a book as well and I had totally forgotten how deep it is. If Hemingway was alive today, would he get involved in some conflict elsewhere? Should more of us be on the way to Gaza, or at least involved in a general strike to force them to stop this nonsensical warmongering? Even not being in the US settling into business as usual makes me feel like a fascist, every day the feeling gets a little stronger. Non-violent protest would be my weapon of choice and always has been, but if I’m ever forced into hiding for who I am? Might just get really creative out of pure spite.

Some kids will test your boundaries. They don’t mean to upset you, they just want to be sure the rules are the rules. Just stay firm, keep repeating. I had to put the 2yo kid of a friend in ‘timeout’ (put in another room and briefly close the door, explaining why) because he was testing out my boundaries by throwing my stuff on the floor. This can get worse when they are tired, to the point where they want everything and nothing till they pass out - this particular toddler stood next to my bed, complaining about everything (especially the lack of mother’s milk!), not wanting to enter while I was just repeating my invitation to join me. In the end he fell asleep standing. No problem, I then lifted him onto the bed where he took his nap.

I think a lot of us still grew up in situations that were escalated into some kind of conflict by the grown ups around us, and we somehow carry the idea that when our kid doesn’t show the desired behavior we have to become louder, more threatening, come up with punishment … It’s not what I see working well in real life. As a grown up your job is to be the rock, the source of calm, the unbothered person, the voice of reason (I know, it’s so hard!). And repeat, repeat, repeat. The toddler will not understand immediately that throwing stuff is a bad idea, so you tell them, and tell them again, and again … but always keeping your cool. In a couple of years they will have grown out of being a gremlin, you know that and they don’t. The toddler phase is intense, seems to last forever, but is actually very short! I find it useful to explain everything in words even to very small children. They understand more words than they are able to say. Letting them know why they can’t have or do something shows respect and consideration and can avoid a screaming match.

Putting a toddler in bed and let them wake up with someone else is not an easy situation for them, it was probably a bit of a no-win. I know I’d freak out waking up in a strange house without my usual person!

Captcha buster is taking care of the captchas now at least. A robot that proves I’m not a robot. Is this the singularity yet?